


Let’s Get Lost

by Yiffandquiff (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 01:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19879660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Sometimes a drive going nowhere is all one needs to reconnect





	Let’s Get Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is my third and final fic for the Phandom Reverse Bang! I wasn’t the original author but when the author stepped down, I stepped up and here it is! I’m really happy with how this turned out and I hope you all enjoy it too! 
> 
> Art is by dnovep and my beta was I-might-just-leave-soon

Dan was tired. He was tired of the norm, tired of working, and he was tired of life. Some days, he felt worse than others, but some days he just fell into this dark funk where he wasn’t sure how to even get out of it. 

Phil helped, but it wasn’t always like he could go to Phil  _ for  _ help. He didn’t like putting that burden onto Phil. Phil didn’t deserve to be drug down to the low level that Dan currently feels like he is on. 

The feelings don’t fade that often and when they do, Dan feels momentary relief. But the antidepressants can only do so much before he’s back into that void that’s steadily hurdling towards him. 

He’s just coming out of the darkness when Phil steps into his bedroom one night and asks in a very serious voice, “Do you want to go for a drive?” 

Dan rolled his eyes and huffed.  _ No, he didn’t want to go anywhere.  _ He should really get out and let the air calm his overwhelming senses but he also just can’t be assed to leave his bed to shower. So, therefore, he doesn’t feel really like he’s worthy of walking out of the flat. 

“We don’t have a car.” Dan finds himself saying, pushing his duvet down his torso and sitting up a bit with all of the energy he has left…which, if he’s being honest, isn’t all that much. 

“I’ve rented one,” Phil says. “I went and picked it up this afternoon.” 

“You drove?” Dan asked, cocking his eyebrow up. “The rental place actually let you leave the site behind the wheel.” 

Phil lets out an incredulous laugh. “Up. We’re leaving.” 

“Right now?” Dan asks. 

Phil nods. “Come on. We’re getting in the car and just driving.” 

“What time is it?” 

“Just half past three.” 

“ _ Phil _ …” 

Phil put out his hand in a helping gesture and Dan looked at it before he grasped it and let Phil help him up from the bed, his duvet falling into a heap on his lap. He stands up and stretches for a second before moving slowly around the other side of the bed. 

“Should I pack a bag?” Dan asks, not entirely sure all that was going on. 

“Just a backpack, but leave your phone, iPad, and laptop here.” Phil says. 

Dan snaps his head up and lets his jaw fall open a bit. “This is ridiculous.” 

“It’s a detox,” Phil says, rushing around him and grabbing his heavily worn black bag. “You and I both need one.” 

“You never even told me why you rented a car to begin with.” Dan finds himself saying. He doesn’t even know why he’s trying to fight it. He shouldn’t be fighting it. He knows this is what he needs. 

Phil stutters for a bit in his place, pushing up the sleeves of his sweatshirt almost as if it was a nervous habit. “Pack your bag and let’s get going.” 

Dan stared at Phil long enough to see a blush creep over his cheeks. He didn’t question anything else though. He threw some underwear and shirts and pants into his backpack and zipped it up. He rushed to the bathroom with a hurried step and grabbed his toothbrush and deodorant before putting that in his bag as well. Dan gave Phil one last look before tossing his phone from his sweatpants pocket onto the bed and stepping back, following Phil out of the room. 

This was really happening and they were really going to do this. 

Dan just didn’t quite understand what was happening. 

Phil locked the apartment door behind them and unlocked the car that was somehow parked just outside of their complex. It was just a small little Fiat which had Dan snort but he opened the door and tossed his bag in the back along with Phil’s backpack too. 

He sat in the passenger seat and then looked at Phil as he got into the drivers and put the key into the ignition. 

“Should I trust you to drive us?” Dan asks with a laugh. 

“Probably not but…” Phil’s words trailed off and he turned on the headlights just as a random couple walked in front of them, causing both Dan and Phil to jump. “On second thought, probably shouldn’t trust me to drive.” 

“Just put the car into drive, dingus.” Dan laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Phil did as Dan said and they started off out of the parking lot and onto the dead street ahead. 

Dan shut his eyes and just let Phil take over.

***

When Dan opened his eyes, the sun was just barely peeking over the clouds. They were somewhere on an open rural road. Dan actually had no idea where they could even be. His heart stuttered a bit in his chest as his eyes opened more and he placed his hands on the side on the seat underneath him and pushed himself back into a sitting position. 

“You’re awake?” 

Dan turned his head and looked at Phil, his eyes concentrated heavily onto the road in front of them as he took a few sharp corners. He was wearing his glasses now and his hair was tossed back a bit astray on the top of his head. Dan looked between them and saw a cup of coffee in the center console and he furrowed his brows. They must have stopped but he just doesn’t remember it. 

“How long did I sleep for?” 

“Only for a few hours,” Phil says. “I stopped quickly at a shop and picked up a coffee to keep me awake.” 

“Where are we?” 

Phil shrugs and puts his blinker on, pulling into a little looking spot that was in front of a beautiful valley of fields and goats in front of them. The way Phil parked, they could see the sun coming up directly in front of them and Dan smiled a bit. 

It was really beautiful. 

“When I was a kid, my mum used to take me for drives when life was getting to me,” Phil says softly. “I know that you’ve been down lately. I just wanted to take you for a drive and see if it’ll help you like it used to help me.” 

“Is that why you rented the car?” Dan asks, turning his head and resting it on the headrest. 

“A bit yeah.” Phil says, his hands smoothing over the steering wheel. “But also our lives have been so hectic lately. From you coming out to then me and then you going to pride and now we’re getting back from Vidcon, I feel like maybe we needed this.” 

“A drive?” Dan asks. 

“A break from everything.” 

Dan sucks in a breath and turns his head back to the sunrise ahead of them. The clock reads just a little after 5 and this is the first time he actually feels content knowing he’s awake when the sun rises. Most of the time, he sees that as defeat that he’s went another night not being able to get out of his own head. 

“I think we do too.” 

Phil turns his head and his lips curl into a slight smile. “Can I be honest for a second?” 

“What is it?” Dan asks, relaxing into the seat a bit. 

“This was my mum’s idea.” 

Dan lets out a loud snort and then laughs a bit. “Of course this was Kath’s idea.” 

“She said we needed to get out of London and explore the countryside for a bit.” 

“Sounds like a solid plan.” 

“It will be.” 

Dan lets out a sigh and the sun rises just a little bit more into the sky. “So where are we going?” He asks. 

Phil shrugs. “I say wherever we end up, we end up.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Phil shuts the car off properly now and they sit in silence as they watch the sun rise a bit more. Being in this comfortable stasis with Phil was what Dan’s always swore that he liked but there was always something a bit more that resonated deeply within him. 

They were together when they were young, exploring their sexualities and indulging in the idea of a first love. But it didn’t work and it left them with just this really bonded friendship that they always have had since they decided to not continue their romantic relationship. But sometimes, a nagging part of Dan told him that he didn’t want to be in this comfortable stasis with Phil anymore. 

Sometimes he just wanted  _ Phil.  _

As Dan turns his head and stares at Phil for a bit with the sunrise illuminating on his pale skin, he feels this familiar tug in his abdomen that he gets quite often. The urge to run his hands in Phil’s hands again and just let go. 

He’s wanted to let go for so long. 

Phil suddenly starts the car and jolts Dan out of his thoughts and Dan watches as he does well backing up before driving back onto the road and heading off towards a town he has never heard of before. 

They drive for a while before either one of them speak again. Eventually they end up in a small town that Dan didn’t catch the name of. It’s just past 7 and Phil sees a small bed and breakfast open so they stop for a bite to eat. 

Some of the locals there give them some looks, being outsiders in the small town, but Dan tries to pay them no mind as he and Phil have breakfast and a cup of coffee. The woman manning the b&b is nice to them as she tells them all about some of the local places around to check out. Of course they’re not interested, or at least Dan isn’t, but they act like they are. 

When they leave, they’re slightly more awake, or at least Dan is, so he takes over driving as Phil sits in the passenger side and sleeps for a bit. Dan has no idea where he’s going. He just drives and drives. 

Occasionally, he sneaks peaks at Phil beside him, resting with his head back on the seat as he catches up on his sleeping for a little while. Dan doesn’t want to interrupt him. He wants Phil to get as much sleep as he can. So he pulls over in a pull off area and rests his head back too and suddenly, he’s sleeping as well. 

The sun is a bit brighter this time when he wakes up, his neck stiff and his back killing him. He stretches a bit and then looks over at the seat next to him and feels a bit of panic well-up in his stomach as he notices Phil isn’t there. 

He scrambles up, his heartbeat racing. He looks in the back and Phil’s backpack is still there but every possible horror movie scenario begins to play through his head of everything that could have happened to him while he slept. 

Dan is just about to had a full-on freak out when he spots the stark black hair out of the corner of his eye. Phil sitting a good amount from the car on the stone wall of the lookout. He’s crossed his legs under him and he’s looking out at the valley under their feet. 

Dan opens the door and gets out the car, feeling the slight warmth of the sun beat on his aching skin as he walks over to him. He gets to the wall and sits down beside Phil. “Didn’t know where you went.” 

Phil turns his head and smiles. “I got out to have a wee but the view was really pretty and you were still sleeping so I decided to sit here until you woke up.” 

Dan chuckles a bit. “It is really nice.” 

Phil nods. “It’s a bit weird,” He begins. “I feel like this is the longest I’ve gone without my cell phone or laptop in a while but yet, I don’t entirely miss it.” 

Dan frowns, furrowing his brows. He honestly doesn’t even remember the last time he thought about his cell phone or social media while they were driving. In fact, he doesn’t even feel like he thought about it at all. This has got to be progress. 

Or so he wants himself to believe. 

“My mum is probably having a proper freakout.” Phil says. “Even though this was her idea, I didn’t tell her that we were going to leave our phones behind.” 

“My brother would approve.” Dan says with a laugh. “Adrian does this all the time. My mum honestly probably doesn’t even think anything of it, to be honest.” 

Phil just flashes him a hesitant smirk before he turns back to watching out in the valley. “Sometimes I wished we could live out here.” Phil says, his voice soft. “Like, just you and me living out in the countryside with nothing but our six sheep and small farmhouse.” 

Dan’s heart flutters at Phil’s acknowledgment of Dan being apart of this dream life that he had. It really made Dan’s love for Phil firm up a bit more, even if he couldn’t tell Phil that. 

Not anymore anyway. 

Dan doesn’t like the way his heart aches at that thought. The way his heart actually longs with the ability to tell Phil that he wants to be in his future, but not as his best friend. He wants to see Phil as his companion and in a way where it was more than romantic, but also just… _ that.  _

He knows what he said in his video. He had meant every word. 

But he wants to experience that love again. He wants to experience that love that Phil used to give him and the trust that he learnt to have when Phil treated him like a human being for once in his life. 

Dan’s heart aches a bit more. 

“Why are you frowning?” 

Dan’s not even aware that he was. He turns his head to Phil and tries to force a smile. “Just…had some bad thoughts.” 

Phil’s brows furrow with concern. “Anything you want to speak about?” 

Dan shakes his head. He’d love to, but he can’t. 

He doesn’t want to face the rejection that might come. 

“Do you want to go back home?” 

Dan shakes his head. “Lets keep driving.” 

Phil smirks and turns, tossing his legs back over the other side as he stands up and Dan hands out the car keys to him. Dan fights off the smile that threatens to spill on his lips in an embarrassing way as Phil’s hand lingers just a bit too long on his own. 

***

They begin to see signs for Edinburgh a few hours later. The first sign comes just after they stop for petrol to fill up the car. Dan likes Edinburgh though, so he’s not entirely upset that they have traveled all this way north. 

“Do you reckon we’ll just get a hotel in Edinburgh for the night?” Phil says as he gets back into the car. “I think we have a few hours before we’re there but…” 

“We says we should stop in Edinburgh.” Dan says with a shrug. “We could just keep driving.” 

“And go into the Scottish Highlands?” Phil asks, his eyebrow cocked up a bit. “I’ve never even been. I’ll have no idea where to go.” 

“That’s okay.” Dan finds himself saying. 

They’re still driving when the signs for Edinburgh start showing them to be closer and closer. Dan remembers fondly the memories of performing at Usher Hall the year before for Interactive Introverts. He quite liked Edinburgh actually. It was such a calm and quiet city. 

But then Phil takes a sudden turn and suddenly they’re driving down a totally opposite direction from Edinburgh and it’s clear to Dan that they’re heading towards the coast, he’s just not sure where. 

Dan’s been to Blackpool with Phil before but that’s nowhere near here. Plus, that was their romantic getaway when they were young, he’s not sure if it would be smart to go back there now. In a way, it feels a bit inappropriate. 

Clouds form in the sky sometime between taking the sudden turn and driving further away into the countryside when the rain begins to pour down onto the roof of the car, sounding like someone was pouring buckets of water onto them. 

It gets too heavy and they soon can’t even see where they’re going so Dan tells Phil to pull over off of the road until it lets up. Phil’s a decent driver, but even Dan could tell he was beginning to get nervous at the heavy rain. 

“Where are we going?” Dan asks. 

Phil shrugs. “I was honestly just going to start looping back towards London.” 

“Why?” Dan asks, nearly shouting over the loud pummeling of the rain on the windshield. 

“Well, because it’s half-past four now and we’ve been driving and stopping for 12 hours now and I just think maybe this is the best time to start heading back before we do get lost. Plus, I only said I’d rent this car until today so…” 

“I’ll cover the late return fees.” Dan says. “But, please, let’s just…not go home right now.” 

“Any particular reason you’re suddenly so reluctant to go back?” 

Dan feels a knot form in his throat and he tries to swallow it down but it doesn’t go. He’s left with this feeling filling his chest in such a heavy way. “Just overwhelming being there. Like you said earlier. Everything is overwhelming.” 

“I’ve been thinking…” 

_ Fuck.  _ Dan feels like his heart is going to burst just at those words because those were the same words that Dan said to Phil in 2012 that ended their relationship. He hates those words now. Any time someone says them to him, he hates them and wishes they could take them back. 

“About?” 

“What if we moved out of London for a few years?” 

Dan turns his head and furrows his brows. “What are you talking about?” 

“There are a few homes for sale on the Isle of Man and I guess maybe it was something I wanted to bring up to you? I know that it would be a big change and while London is obviously great, maybe if we lived on the isle for a few years, we’ll be able to break out of all of this.” 

“Is that even a good idea?” Dan asks, his voice rising a bit in defense. “Just giving up and moving to the Isle of Man?” 

Phil rested his head back on his seat and let out a loud exhale. “I’m not saying it’s giving up, Dan. But it’s just…” Phil let out a smaller breath and then turned his head to Dan. “I think we need a break.” 

Dan knows what Phil means but that still doesn’t help the prickle of tears that set in behind his waterline. He knows Phil isn’t talking about their friendship, he’s talking about their careers. But it just hurts in the same way that it did eight years ago. 

“And moving there would solve that?” 

“Well, no that’s not what I’m saying but what I mean is that look at all that’s happened over the past year. We traveled the world, met loads of fans, our careers literally peaked and it’s just… _ I  _ need a break sometimes from this.” 

Dan knows what Phil means and he nods along softly. 

He thinks maybe he needs a proper break too. And not just a hiatus to mentally prepare for such a major video, but a proper break from fans and maybe…just a bit…from  _ life.  _ Not in the sense that he would actually figuratively not have a life but in the sense that maybe he needs to start fresh on a new Twitter account know one knows of or just…delete social media in general. 

Maybe this is what he’s doing now, even. Just for a day, he’s not letting social media cloud his mind or his senses. He’s not letting anything cloud his judgment or bother him. He’s just driving with Phil and…

“Maybe we can look into it,” Dan says. “Like a summer home?” 

Phil snorts. “That makes us sound pretentious.” 

“Well, we have the money to afford it.” 

Phil nods and his lips curl into a smile. “Can I say something else?” 

The tension in the car suddenly heightens as the rain outside lets up and the sky begins to open up a bit into its normal grey color. “What is it?” 

A car speeds by them and blows its horn and it’s enough to shock them both a bit. Dan jumps and places his hand over his chest as he looks out his window and sees the car racing down the road. The rain was stopped now and he supposes that they should get going. Phil must think the same because he puts the car into drive and they drive off in silence. 

***

The first sign they see says they’re approaching a town called Berwick upon Tweed and although Dan’s never heard of it, he can see the coastline in the distance and it makes him ask Phil to follow the signs to there. It looks promising, just a small little coastal town on the border of Scotland. 

He actually quite fancies it. 

They pull into a small restaurant and both head inside where there were a few other patrons eating as well. When the menus are placed in front of them, Dan is well aware of just how hungry he is and between him and Phil, they order more food than they’ll probably ever eat. 

Outside of the windows of the small establishment, Dan can see the waves lapping up against the cliffs to the right of them. It looks beautiful actually. Like a raging calm of sea. 

Dan finishes his fish and Phil finishes the sandwich that he ordered and they pay for their meal as they head back out into the windy little town. They walk along the streets for a bit and everything remains quiet as their shoes shuffle on the pavement. 

They reach the edge of the cliffs on a little walkway and they make their way over, just as grey clouds begin to storm back in. Dan takes a seat on the grass of the cliff and lets the wind and the mist kiss his skin, reddening his cheeks. Phil sits down beside him and they both just look out into the endless water and Dan feels an inner peace collecting deep inside of him. 

“I’ve never heard of this place before.” Dan says. 

Phil looks at him and smirks. “I’ve heard of it in passing on the trains but I’m not sure about ever being here. It’s nice though.” 

Dan nods. “I think I could live here.” 

Phil lets out a chuckle. “And live off of fish for the rest of your life?” 

Dan leans over and swats at his arm with a laugh but he loses his balance and suddenly he’s grabbing onto Phil’s arm as his body leans just a bit too much before he can stop himself. Phil catches him by hoisting his arm up a bit and Dan blushes. 

“Do you ever regret what we did?” 

The question come suddenly and Dan feels a bit like he’s gotten whiplash from it. “What do you mean?” 

Phil lets out a sigh and Dan shakes himself enough to dislodge his hand from Phil’s arm and place it in his lap. “We were so young, Dan. We had no idea what we were doing. We weren’t ready.” 

“I know.” Dan says. “It was a lot all at once.” 

“I saw some people commenting about what you said in your video…about how it’s all past tense.” Phil says, swallowing down his words. “I didn’t have the heart to read through all of the comments trying to say that it didn’t matter.” 

Dan looks out into the sea and feels his throat close up a bit as his eyes well up with tears. He sucks in a heavy, shutting breath before he turns his head and just speaks. “I love you.” 

Phil turns his head at the same time that Dan does his and without any time to react, Phil’s hand is on his neck and they’re both leaning in. Their lips connect for the first time since 2012 but the spark is still there. Dan lets out a whimper as he forces his hand up from his side and he places it on Phil’s cheek, holding him steady. 

They break off the kiss and look at each other, registering the look on the others face. Dan feels a stray tear leak from his eye and he lets out a frustrated laugh as he pulls back enough to wipe it away with the back of his hand. 

“I never stopped loving you.” 

Phil’s words came delayed but the meaning was there and they’re something that Dan never expected to hear. They lean in again and connect their lips once more just as the sound of thunder rolls in behind them and the distinct feeling of heavy rain pierces their skin. 

Dan pulls back with a gasp and he and Phil both laugh as they link hands and stand up, running the rest of the pathway back to their car by the shops. When they get inside, they’re soaking wet and a bit chilled but they’re still laughing way too hard. 

The sky outside is dark now and as they both look out in wonder at the rolling storm, Dan feels Phil’s hand find his own between the seats and he links them together, looking down at them. 

24 hours ago, Dan was in a miserable state of darkness, and he’s not quite entirely out of it, but he’s feeling a lot better. Maybe in the long run, Phil was right this entire time. The drive was exactly what they needed even though Dan has no idea where they actually are. 

He doesn’t know what the future is going to mean for them right now, but all he knows is then when he leans over once more, and connects his and Phil’s lips, he’s in the timeline he wants to be in right now. 

As the rain lets up again, Phil starts the car and looks at Dan with a smile. “Are you ready to go home?” 

Dan nods. “I think I finally am.” 

As they pull off onto the road, they see a sign for London, 568 km on the A1, and Dan sits back in his seat and rests his eyes as he smiles. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, leave a comment and some kudos and send me a message on my tumblr @yiffandquiff!


End file.
